Love is jealous. So jealous that even God is jealous. Not even God almighty is above the jealousy that comes with love. He is so jealous that he committed atrocities out of jealousy. It so follows that the more loving you are, the more jealous you get.
One thing has always bothered me about love and that is jealousy. Can’t we have the former without the latter because the latter makes the former all the less desirable. I mean if I am indeed that desirable, that rich, that resourceful, that deep and wide then isn’t it selfish that you want me all to yourself?
I have like five best friends. In fact, since they are five, I usually refer to them simply as very good friends. And they have other very good friends besides me. Better still, they all have actual best friends besides me. I am sure they have my back the way I got theirs’. I love these guys, but I am not jealous.
I often tell my girl friends that if a man is not jealous, he doesn’t love you. If your lover doesn’t mind sharing you with other people then he doesn’t love you that way, or that much or he is in fact seeing other people behind your back. It is a moment of clarity when a man realises that he actually doesn’t like seeing you with other men. So if you want to speed him up, make him a little jealous and soon he’ll be declaring his love for you.
Jealousy is selfish. So selfish that I’d argue it counters love. Because jealousy is not looking out for the best for the other person, but rather for the ego of the one that is jealous. Jealousy says, I know you had lots of friends before we were a couple, you shared a lot of moments with them and they continue to be your companions even now that we are a couple. Now I want you to ditch all of such friends that are of the opposite sex because I don’t want you having any such relationships with anyone of the opposite sex but me. Even if you and I are yet to make memories of our own and realise a bond that will give us the security that we’ll continue to make such memories, just the two of us, in the future. For now though and probably forever, I’d rather you forego your happiness to avoid inciting my jealousy.
Jealousy is basic. If the other guy was short, had acne and a pot belly, why would I be jealous. No, but it is precisely because he is far more desirable than I that I don’t want you hanging out with him. In all honesty, I’d also hit that if I swung that way even if I’d already made a commitment to you. And because I find him so attractive, I am going to project my feelings onto you.
I get it, there are STD’s. and children need to be raised in a stable and supportive environment and that is usually provided by one woman one man. But the notion that jealousy is a marker of love should be put away with. We should grow up! Don’t be so selfish, find a better way to deal with your insecurities and learn to love with only a little jealousy.
Featured image: Prince William and Kate Middleton on their wedding day. Image taken from popsugar.com