Before you get attached

I have been single for a long while; and for all this while I have been unhappy with my status about 90% of the time and have been actively trying to change my status about 10% of the time. Now whereas both these percentages are inaccurate, they go a long way to make the point that for most of the time I have been single, I have been unhappy about it and yet I have invested very little time in being attached and perhaps become happier.


Let us focus first on the 90%; It seems to me that singledom is invariable associated with unhappiness or dissatisfaction which I don’t think should be the case because singledom is not like being in a war zone, battling a debilitating or terminal illness or living in poverty. It’s is not something that I should by all means be trying to avoid or get out of as if in this state I can know no happiness nor fulfillment. Whatever the context of my status, at least one thing is true, I am single. Whether I should be working harder at not being single or be less of a jerk so that people would actually consider being attached to me, I am still single; and while I am, I owe it to myself to make it work.


Now back to the 10%; I am of the view that I make this even smaller. Why, because for as long as I still have the 90% in the background, I am not ready to be attached. There is a fine line between collaboration and dependence and I don’t want to lose sight of it. While collaborating, both partners were doing okay before they came together to become awesome. But as a dependent, you couldn’t possibly exist without your benefactor the independent and because you bring nothing to the table, the independent could easily severe the partnership at will even without consideration for your needs after the partnership ceases to exist. If I was unlucky enough to become attached before I learn to be happy as a singleton, then I will never know how to be happy outside of being attached. I will become totally dependent on another person for my happiness and that is quite unsustainable.


My point is, just because you want out of singledom so badly doesn’t mean you are ready to be in a committed exclusive romantic relationship. By all means first perfect being single before you embark on not being single.

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2 thoughts on “Before you get attached

  1. Hey man. Lovely article. However, you are wrong. Successful relationships rely on both parties being dependent on each other for the satisfaction of certain needs.

    Maybe it is the desire to “perfect” singleness that must be removed. And replaced with something else that allow you to appreciate being single while also acknowledging those needs which can only be satisfied by another.

    Otherwise, you might as well be a thirsty man denying that water will quench him. #perfectthirst



    1. The things one can’t do without a significant other are obvious. My argument here is not that I can do all things on my own but that I can do enough on my own; I am not disabled. Being single is not a disability!


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